Twitterhea

Have a seat. This could take a while...

The one-liners

When someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm out and smack'em in the head (RT @treymorgan)

Just got done decorating the Christmas tree. Another family tradition down - everyone must be in a bad mood by the time the tree is done.

@Helenatrandom doesn't have a bar, she has a very large medicine cabinet.

I know Jesus was a carpenter but to consider "We've Only Just Begun" a Christmas song is just plain silly. (RT @MrBigFists)

My Doctor has told me I'm paranoid, I wonder who else he's told?!? (RT @comedyclipsblog)

Can't seem to get my act together today. Still haven't gotten my blog carnival going. Maybe I need some Monkey Muffins.

One thing I've learned from being married is to always smell the bath towel before wiping your face on it. (RT @ SuburbanTurmoil)

I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if @br8kthru & @sarahmsalter's voices suddenly cried out in blame and were suddenly silenced...

@charliewetzel The three words that best describe you, are, and I quote: "Stink. Stank. Stunk."

@sarahmsalter There are two types of people in the world; those who like Neil Diamond and those who don't. #whataboutbob

@br8kthru Hey, it's not every day that @sarahmsalter talks about wieners.

Never question a woman in the depths of a Midol binge. (RT @thedayhascome)

Despite all the controversy, Tiger just picked up 1 more sponsor. This year on the tour he will be keeping his clubs in a bag by Massengill. (RT @MrBigFists)

I read this old post by @stacyasmallSFL today and almost passed a brick. *snort* http://tinyurl.com/ye3yexf

@PamperingBeki No, you were only mostly dead. All dead and I would have gone through your pockets looking for loose change.

Bipolar bear doesn't know how he feels about winter weather. (RT @thedayhascome)

Okay, time for me to go get dressed now. Yup, a good day ruined.

My dad called and asked what 'TWSS' meant. I wasn't expecting to have to have that talk until he was older.

http://twitpic.com/sxq5m - Yes, it's that cold.

Don we now our gay apparel... Do you think this feather boa is too much?

Know what sounds good all of a sudden? Swedish pancakes. No Belgium, I don't want your waffles right now.

It's ok if you disagree with me. I can't force you to be right. (RT @SarcasmSociety)

@sarahmsalter What do you have against dates? What did the oblong, edible fruit of a palm ever do to you?

Apathy is a dish best served at whatever temperature. (RT @TheUserPool)

A little bit longer ones

SBeeCreations @weightwhat when are you posting the TwitterHodown? I don't want to miss it.

weightwhat @SBeeCreations It's been up since last night. TWSS.

br8kthru@weightwhat dang, someone needs to go see a Dr. then...

makeadiff21 @weightwhat Where have you been all day!? You missed a lot.

weightwhat @makeadiff21 I've been running errands all morning and now I'm suffering from malnutweetion.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter I still need to take a picture of my leg lamp as proof for @WinLiannefield. Why she thinks I wouldn't have one is beyond me.

sarahmsalter @weightwhat She must not know you very well...

weightwhat @WinLiannefield - Okay, here's your photographic proof!

sarahmsalter Walking the dog in cold rain... I can think of better things to do on a Fri night. Read in front of a fireplace w/ a mug of hot cider maybe.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

heartcures @weightwhat LOL! So have you been a mess your entire life or did it just start more recently?

weightwhat @heartcures Me? A mess? I don't know what you mean. I'm just as normal as the rest of my family. *twitch*

spiffytiffy3 Oh, and FYI - the hubby is home til tomorrow afternoon. If you don't see me on Twitter for the next 36 hours, you'll know why...

weightwhat @spiffytiffy3 Boom chicka bowwow...

sarahmsalter My favorite Christmas movie just came on AMC. White Christmas. I know what I'm doing for the rest of the evening!

weightwhat @sarahmsalter Looking for when A Christmas Story will be playing?

sarahmsalter I'm making Monkey Muffins! :-)

weightwhat @sarahmsalter I hope you wash your hands after touching those monkey muffins...

mylestones UPS Label on gift that came today said "Do not deliver to an intoxicated person." Proud to say I was deemed worthy to sign for the package.

weightwhat @mylestones Wow, where do I get those labels?

DaleChumbley My First Home (one I was born in) http://post.ly/EbpU

weightwhat @DaleChumbley Huh. I was expecting something more cave-like.

katdish @br8kthru @sarahmsalter @weightwhat @redclaydiaries I don't even want to know what y'all are talking about...

katdish @sarahmsalter @br8kthru Well, best I can figure, @weightwhat broke spades w/some kind of bodily function tweet. Am I right?

weightwhat @katdish Me? I would never!

The ones that are even longer

weightwhat Boxed macaroni and cheese. The dinner of champions.

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Then were does that put Ragu and pasta?

weightwhat @Helenatrandom What are ya, an overachiever?

Helenatrandom @weightwhat Adding a jar of Ragu to boiled noodle is overachieving. Oh my. I must be careful not to strain myself...

weightwhat @Helenatrandom Pace yourself, Helen!

And the ‘why don’t you just post the whole conversation’ ones

br8kthru @sarahmsalter Come on & cry, cry baby...

weightwhat @br8kthru Oh sure, now you're calling her baby? I see how you are.

br8kthru @weightwhat Yes, I'm ranking up there w/ Tiger Woods about now...

weightwhat @br8kthru Going to grab my golf club now...

br8kthru @weightwhat you coming to rescue me from my twitter crash?

weightwhat @br8kthru Uh, yeah. Rescue. http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/clips/tiger-woods-accident/1182383/

weightwhat @br8kthru Captain Obvious said what?

br8kthru @weightwhat is this like the "moron says 'what'" joke? 'Cuz I ain't fallin' for it!

weightwhat @br8kthru So now you're a moron?

sarahmsalter @weightwhat No. @br8kthru isn't a moron. He's special.

weightwhat @sarahmsalter That explains so much...

br8kthru @weightwhat how could you ask me that?

weightwhat @br8kthru Can't figure out the answer?

weightwhat Back from the bus stop! The temperature dropped. It's now 19° here. Weird, huh?

br8kthru @weightwhat really? It's 29° here. Not to rub it in your face, of course. (nanny nanny boo boo)

weightwhat @br8kthru Are you in your shorts and flip flops?

br8kthru @weightwhat No, last time I showed up to work in those they sent me home. Might have been the belly shirt though...

weightwhat @br8kthru You probably would have been okay with the belly shirt if you hadn't gone and pierced your belly button. Too flashy.

br8kthru @weightwhat Sure, not to mention the tramp stamp tattooed on my back.

weightwhat @br8kthru I told you that tramp stamp wouldn't be a good idea, but did you listen to me? Nooooo!

redclaydiaries Dangit. Two batches of fudge & I've hit a wall. I hate being sick. Trying to force out a blog post before I collapse.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Is the blog post made out of fudge? And you really shouldn't try to force it out - straining could blow a blood vessel.

redclaydiaries @weightwhat U know, I would've been surprised if no one from this group picked up on that. Glad to see it was you.

weightwhat @redclaydiaries I'm quick that way.

br8kthru @weightwhat @redclaydiaries Wendy's right- blogorrhoids are a serious condition...

redclaydiaries @br8kthru @weightwhat U two are so helpful. What would I do without you? Anyone have any blogatives?

weightwhat @redclaydiaries Here, this might help: http://tinyurl.com/y94nny5

sarahmsalter @redclaydiaries This conversation is scaring me a little.

redclaydiaries @sarahmsalter You and me both, Babe. Apparently @br8kthru @weightwhat are trying to help me be a more regular blogger.

There you go. Still breathing? Good. Now why don't you go check out what other people had to tweet about over at Fellowship of the Traveling Smarty Pants?