Have a seat. This could take a while...
When someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm out and smack'em in the head (RT @treymorgan)
Just got done decorating the Christmas tree. Another family tradition down - everyone must be in a bad mood by the time the tree is done.
@Helenatrandom doesn't have a bar, she has a very large medicine cabinet.
I know Jesus was a carpenter but to consider "We've Only Just Begun" a Christmas song is just plain silly. (RT @MrBigFists)
My Doctor has told me I'm paranoid, I wonder who else he's told?!? (RT @comedyclipsblog)
Can't seem to get my act together today. Still haven't gotten my blog carnival going. Maybe I need some Monkey Muffins.
One thing I've learned from being married is to always smell the bath towel before wiping your face on it. (RT @ SuburbanTurmoil)
I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if @br8kthru & @sarahmsalter's voices suddenly cried out in blame and were suddenly silenced...
@charliewetzel The three words that best describe you, are, and I quote: "Stink. Stank. Stunk."
@sarahmsalter There are two types of people in the world; those who like Neil Diamond and those who don't. #whataboutbob
@br8kthru Hey, it's not every day that @sarahmsalter talks about wieners.
Never question a woman in the depths of a Midol binge. (RT @thedayhascome)
Despite all the controversy, Tiger just picked up 1 more sponsor. This year on the tour he will be keeping his clubs in a bag by Massengill. (RT @MrBigFists)
I read this old post by @stacyasmallSFL today and almost passed a brick. *snort* http://tinyurl.com/ye3yexf
@PamperingBeki No, you were only mostly dead. All dead and I would have gone through your pockets looking for loose change.
Bipolar bear doesn't know how he feels about winter weather. (RT @thedayhascome)
Okay, time for me to go get dressed now. Yup, a good day ruined.
My dad called and asked what 'TWSS' meant. I wasn't expecting to have to have that talk until he was older.
http://twitpic.com/sxq5m - Yes, it's that cold.
Don we now our gay apparel... Do you think this feather boa is too much?
Know what sounds good all of a sudden? Swedish pancakes. No Belgium, I don't want your waffles right now.
It's ok if you disagree with me. I can't force you to be right. (RT @SarcasmSociety)
@sarahmsalter What do you have against dates? What did the oblong, edible fruit of a palm ever do to you?
Apathy is a dish best served at whatever temperature. (RT @TheUserPool)
sarahmsalter Walking the dog in cold rain... I can think of better things to do on a Fri night. Read in front of a fireplace w/ a mug of hot cider maybe.
spiffytiffy3 Oh, and FYI - the hubby is home til tomorrow afternoon. If you don't see me on Twitter for the next 36 hours, you'll know why...
sarahmsalter My favorite Christmas movie just came on AMC. White Christmas. I know what I'm doing for the rest of the evening!
sarahmsalter I'm making Monkey Muffins! :-)
mylestones UPS Label on gift that came today said "Do not deliver to an intoxicated person." Proud to say I was deemed worthy to sign for the package.
The ones that are even longer
weightwhat Boxed macaroni and cheese. The dinner of champions.
weightwhat Back from the bus stop! The temperature dropped. It's now 19° here. Weird, huh?
redclaydiaries Dangit. Two batches of fudge & I've hit a wall. I hate being sick. Trying to force out a blog post before I collapse.
There you go. Still breathing? Good. Now why don't you go check out what other people had to tweet about over at Fellowship of the Traveling Smarty Pants?