Friends, I have noticed an unnatural trend rising. I must say that I'm shocked at the behavior being displayed in public - after all, children could be watching! I'm sure you've witnessed it yourselves. We must take a stand and fight this outrageous behavior! Yes, I'm talking about running.
I was reading Darcie's blog yesterday, and I was stunned to find that her seemingly normal husband was trying to get her to...run. I know! I couldn't believe it myself! What I found most grievous was that she was giving in to him! Say it isn't so, Darcie!
So I did what any real friend would do. I talked her down.
For those of you out there who are not in-the-know, let me lay out some simple guidelines for when it is permissible to run:
1. When you're being chased by a monster. Now, we all know that monsters don't really exist, so this is not a valid excuse. Besides, if you really did see a monster, you'd want to stop and take a picture of it to sell on the internet.
2. You're running to get the phone. But then again, you could just let the machine get it. Would you want to be known as the person who ran to pick up a phone call only to have it be a telemarketer on the other end of the line?
3. There's a 90% off shoe sale. Okay, now that's a valid reason. And if you find any black flat mules in my size, give me a call, huh?
So friends, be on the lookout for these ne'er-do-wells and talk them down from the endorphin high that they're on. Remember, friends don't let friends run.