Friday, March 20, 2009

The one that wasn't


In yesterday's post, I mentioned that there was a practical joke that I wanted to pull off but didn't. I know you're on the edge of your seat wondering what it is, so I won't keep you in suspense anymore. I'm a giver that way.

First, a bit of background. As I mentioned, I went to Westmont College, a small Christian school that was very conservative. There was no drinking, no smoking, you could only be in the room of a member of the opposite sex on certain days, and even then the door must remain open at a 45 degree angle. Don't even think about dancing. Oh, that totally reminds me of a joke... I'll have to get to that later... Anyway, there would be off-campus dances, usually put on by students. There would be fliers that went around, but on the bottom of every flier had to be the statement, "This is not a Westmont function." It became a big joke among my friends and me about what was, and what was not, a "Westmont function."

More background. One of my best friends worked at the health center over at UC Santa Barbara - a hotbed of sin and indisgretion, clearly. In that health center was a giant fishbowl that was filled daily with condoms. Students could just go in and grab what they needed, or liked to think that they'd need.

Last bit of background. Every year, Westmont would have a parent's weekend when parents would come up to stay and tour the campus, visit the classrooms, and take their kids out for meals that did not resemble anything that came from the dining commons. Lots of parents...

And now, for the practical joke that never saw the light of day. My plan was for my friend to start grabbing large handfuls of condoms every day and bring them back to me. Lots and lots of condoms. Then when parent's weekend came around, we'd take this huge stash of condoms, blow them up and write "Not a Westmont function" on all of them. We'd then put them up all over campus just in time for the parents to arrive. A brilliant plan, yet I couldn't get it to work. My friend didn't want people to see her taking condoms and getting the wrong idea. *sigh* I just can't believe that she wouldn't be willing to look like a cheesy tart in order to make my plan work. What's up with that?

I promised you a joke, didn't I? Growing up in a Baptist family, I found this pretty funny. If you're a Baptist and easily shocked, avert your eyes now!

Why don't Baptists believe in pre-marital sex?

Because it could lead to dancing.

Still time to jump on the Life is Funny Carnival Train! If you miss this one, don't worry. The next train will come by on Sunday.


Kelli said...

I'm a Baptist, and apparently not easily shocked...that joke was pretty funny. Can't wait to tell my hubs! Very nice :)!

Tiffany said...

I think you had too much time on your hands! Did you study at all? :) Though I must admit I went to Point Loma Nazarene University in San Diego and practical jokes and dorm living go hand in hand there. I certainly was never brilliant enough to pull that off. I spent most of my time at the beach and the mall!

Lisa K. of XSBaggage and Co. said...

That's hilarious! You are a great story teller.

Really can't understand why your friend wouldn't want to fill her pockets with condoms at HER WORK PLACE!! hehe

Erican said...

Alas, I am that would-be condom retriever. Ah, what might have been.
But I was trying to be a light in a dark place. Yes, a lonely job, but someone's gotta' do it!!
Besides, all that stuff sounds like far too much work, don't you think? I mean, come on! All that retrieving, inflating, writing with sharpees, then there's the actual dispersion of the "Not a Westmont Function" condoms... Which would mean running around the HILLY campus (in the dark). All this sounds supsiciously like exercise to me.
Let's face it, Wendy. I saved you from a lot of hassle and calorie burning. Not too mention leg cramps and hands that smell funny. (Rubber smells strong-- blech!)
What can I say? I'm a giver that way. Always thinking of others.
Love you, Wendy!!

Lisa said...

You wild woman you! That would have been hilarious!